Friday, May 27, 2005

The Truth about Ghosts I

As a scientist, I feel it is my responsibility to set the record straight on ghosts and science.

  1. They are real.
    • Proven to exist in 50's by team investigated role of Thor in Philadelphia Experiment.
    • Existence further explored by Lockheed-Martin and Grummond (prior to dissolution) for possible use as light ordinance (extremely light, since they are spirits). The ghost's capacity for weapons application was limited, however, to chain rattling and moaning.

  2. They are the cause of the boom in delivery companies (Fed-Ex, UPS, etc) because of their teleportation capabilities. They could actually have the package there for you in the literal wink of an equally literal eye, but that would violate trade sanctions set against ghosts by the U.S. governement (see Federal Trade Commision .v. Denizens of Afterlife, 1971).
  3. They take your socks.
  4. Angels are not ghosts, but are directly responsible for the incident at roswell.

There is so much more to tell, but the CIA listening devices are telling me to wait. More later.