Monday, July 12, 2004

Sensory Deprivation I

I have begun the design of a sensory deprivation apparatus that will rival any in prior or concurrent development. Rather than focusing on the benefits afforded during meditation or the detrimental effects afforded the unruly child or surly barfly who finds himself, inexplicably, in the care of a criminal mastermind or cartel lord, my team is concerned with the underlying nature of sense...and deprivation. You may have noticed that we have already deprived the term sensory of its -ory. Believe me, this is only the beginning.

First, the subject is placed in an accoustically isolated chamber. Do not fear, however, for the sanity of this poor bastard's ears. He will not be deprived of all sound. A significant portion of our funding has been devoted to the construction of a massive FM transmitting tower which will occupy all broadcast frequencies below 90.5 MHz. In the manner of many such stations, our research broadcasts, under the station ID KMAD (K-Mad radio, where we offer ...what's that? Mad you say? I'm not's you! All of you who are mad! Behold the glory of my creations and tremble!) 24-7 tremble--that's our unofficial motto.

This station (KMAD) will provide all the best easy-listening adult-contemporary fundamentalist glossalalia from the 60's, 70's, 80's and beyond. The subject will have all his thoughts involuntarily translated into the heavenly languages of various christian, vodun and usu zombe' sects until all will to resist our implanted (i.e. repressed) memories are allowed to flourish.

Next time...Material advances in helmet construction. Why is chocolate such a good conductor of human fear?

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